Bright and early Monday morning, the sun was shining and our house was buzzing with excitement.
It was the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!
Picking out the outfits, packing the lunches, filling the backpacks with supplies….
Sugar entered the 2nd Grade and Tiara started Kindergarten!
Jay went in late to work, and we walked to school as a family.
I didn’t think much of it. I’ve done the first day of school before. No biggie.
We got everyone to their drop off destinations, gave some hugs and kisses, waved good-bye, and went about our day.
And then it hit me.
The emotions of sending your little girl to her first day of Kindergarten. Everything else about the morning felt so routine, but this emotional tug at my heart felt very uncharted. As I walked away from the school, holding Tink’s hand, I realized it would be just the 2 of us. She’s growing up, and we’ve started a new phase of Tiara’s life journey.
When I dropped Sugar off on the first day of Kindergarten, I didn’t have much time to process the emotions of what that meant. I was too overwhelmed with blood sugars, and the school nurse, and making sure there was a Plan A, B, and C for every possible diabetes scenario. I was anxious and checked the phone every 5 minutes to make sure the line was working. I watched the clock and worried about how school would be affecting her blood sugars, feared she’d go low, and prayed she’d eat all her lunch.
It was different. It was still a glorious milestone…but it was different.
I glanced back at the playground, and thought about my strong-willed daughter who would play there at recess. Tiara has always been a presented a little “extra challenge” for me, as her mother. She’s sweet, loving, caring, and helpful…but she’ll become defiant and sassy in the blink of an eye. Her tantrums were always the worst of everyone’s. When her mind is made up about something, there’s no changing it. Period.
No doubt, these characteristics will serve her well one day.
But underneath that exterior, she’s the baby I was carrying when Sugar was diagnosed. Immediately after her birth, I tucked her in a sling, and packed my house to prepare for a move across country. In between nursing sessions, I touched up paint while wearing her strapped to my chest, after Mr. Rose left to start his new job and find a home for us in AZ.
She learned how to check her older sisters blood sugar when she was 3. She potty trained her younger sister. She folds her own laundry.
|The Potty Training Make Over by Tiara|
She’s my middle child, and she’s a firecracker.
Yes, I knew this day was coming.
But I wasn’t prepared for the “normalcy” of kissing her good-bye.
So this is how it feels to send a child off to school without the haze of worry that comes with a chronic life-threatening disease. This is how it feels not to worry about the powerful hormone that is attached to her constantly. This is how it feels to pack a lunch without a note attached that lists the carb amount of each item. This is how it feels to pack her back pack with school supplies…not school supplies plus juice boxes, snacks, test strips, a blood sugar meter, and everything else diabetes requires. This is how it feels not to worry that a birthday party will pop up, and gluten will be everywhere.
Yes. This is how it feels.
And, yes, my heart was sad for a minute.
But then I grew excited for the journey ahead. Sisters passing each other in the hallway. Sisters sharing stories about their school day. Sisters at school.
Looks like I have some very special moments to savor with Tink, before they’re gone next year.